The Global Magazine for Muslim Women

What’s Your Mothering Style?

Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatAllah wa barakatuhu Modest Beautiful Muslimas (and our male readers too aka Modest Beloved Muslims),

May Allah SWT allow this article to be a catalyst towards improving our relationships with our own mothers and with our children. May He allow us to remember that we will be held accountable by Him. Ameen.

I’ve been following the work of clinical psychologist Dr. Stephan Poulter lately and one thing I think he has really nailed is defining 5 mothering styles. Due to the complex nature of motherhood, every mother usually has bits and pieces from more than 1 mothering style. However, most women will have her most “dominant”  mothering style.

The 5 mothering styles are: 
* The Perfectionist Mother — whose family must look perfect in every way
* The Unpredictable Mother — whose ups and downs can create lifelong anxiety and depression in her son or daughter
* The “Me First” Mother — whose children come second or last
* The “Best Friend” Mother — who’s now in vogue but can wreak havoc
* The Complete Mother — who provides guidance and shows compassion to her child

I encourage you to watch his short 5 min video (embedded below) and reflect on the following 3 questions:


Note: In order for this to be a beneficial process, approach the question from a place of curiosity, not from a place of despair.

1) What was your own mother’s dominant mothering style and how has this impacted your adult life?


For mothers..

2) What is your dominant mothering style?


For those who wish to be mothers in the future

3) What do you want your dominant mothering style to be?


Leave a comment below and share your reflections! 🙂

JazakAllah khair for reflecting on such an important topic,

Sending you lots of love & duaa from New Jersey
Your sister in Islam,
Yasmin Essa

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